Joey Diaz: The Art of Not Giving a Damn
乔伊·迪亚兹：不在乎的艺术
Three hours with one of comedy's most unfiltered voices — a conversation that roams from near-kidnappings to muscle cars, from Hollywood predators to the craft of making strangers laugh. This is what happens when a man who's seen the worst of life decides to tell the truth about all of it.
与喜剧界最直言不讳的声音之一共度的三个小时——一场跨越险些被绑架的经历、肌肉车的黄金年代、好莱坞的掠夺者，以及如何让陌生人发笑的手艺。当一个人见识过生活最黑暗的一面后，决定说出全部真相——这就是你要看到的。
The Madman's Morning Routine
疯子的早晨日常
Joey Diaz doesn't do mornings like other people. While you're sipping coffee and checking email, he's timing the inbox delivery of something considerably less professional — and, in his view, considerably more important. This chapter is about the philosophy behind the chaos: why you should break up corporate meetings, what loyalty to a car brand really means, and where American muscle went wrong.
乔伊·迪亚兹的早晨跟别人不一样。你还在喝咖啡、查邮件的时候，他正在计算时机，往你的收件箱里投放一些完全不专业的内容——而在他的世界观里，这些内容重要得多。这一章是关于混乱背后的哲学：为什么要打断公司的会议，对汽车品牌的忠诚意味着什么，以及美国肌肉车到底出了什么问题。
The Monkey Protocol
猴子的套路
Joe Rogan says it best: "I think God Joey Diaz exists because he understands what I'm going through." The "monkey," as Diaz calls it, is a strategically-timed explicit photo — calibrated to arrive during "a meeting with eight white dudes, real serious about numbers and statistics." The phone buzzes. The screen lights up. The meeting breaks. "I time it," Diaz says, with the precision of a man who knows exactly what corporate America is missing.
乔·罗根说得最到位："我觉得上帝让乔伊·迪亚兹存在，是因为他懂我的处境。"迪亚兹口中的"猴子"，是一张精心安排时间的露骨照片——精确到在"八个白人老兄正在严肃讨论数字和统计数据的会议"中送达。手机震动。屏幕亮起。会议中断。"我算准了时间，"迪亚兹说这话时，带着一种深知美国企业缺少什么的人才有的精准。
The Subaru That Could Rise Above Snow
能升过积雪的斯巴鲁
Diaz sold Subarus in Florida before moving to Colorado, where he discovered what the GL-10 sedan could do. "You could press a button and the shock absorbers would fill up and your car would rise above the snow." This was 1988 — hydraulic suspension in a family wagon. He's been loyal ever since. His reasoning: "Subaru gives you a dollar's worth for a dollar. They really do." It's the working man's integrity test, applied to sheet metal.
迪亚兹在佛罗里达卖过斯巴鲁，搬到科罗拉多后才真正领略到GL-10轿车的本事。"你按下一个按钮，减震器就会充气，车身就升起来了，高出积雪。"那是1988年——液压悬挂装在一辆家用旅行车里。从那以后他就成了忠实用户。他的理由很简单："斯巴鲁是你花一块钱，就给你一块钱的东西。他们真做到了。"这是劳动人民对诚信的检验，用在了钢板身上。
The Golden Age Nobody Remembers
被遗忘的黄金年代
From roughly 1965 to 1970, "America couldn't be touched." The muscle cars kept pumping out cooler and cooler shapes — and then, Diaz and Rogan agree, something broke. For a decade after, American automakers "didn't make anything good." The Japanese and Germans filled the gap. But one car still haunts Diaz: the 1968 Mustang fastback. "The back end of the '68 Mustang is one of the most underrated forms in all of automotive design. That is Americana, baby."
大致从1965年到1970年，"美国无人能敌"。肌肉车不断推出越来越酷的造型——然后，迪亚兹和罗根一致认为，有什么东西断了。之后的十年里，美国的汽车制造商"没造出一样好东西"。日本人和德国人填补了空白。但有一辆车始终萦绕在迪亚兹心头：1968年的野马溜背。"68年野马的尾部是整个汽车设计史上最被低估的造型之一。这就是美国精神，宝贝。"
460 Horses for 40 Grand
四万美元，四百六十匹马力
"All cars are so amazing now." Rogan marvels at the modern Mustang GT: a 5-liter Coyote V8, 460 horsepower, premium fastback starting under $40,000. "The power that you get with $40,000, $45,000 today — it's just insane." Diaz, who's seen every era of the car business from the inside, nods. "It's like you can't make a shitty car anymore." Even the leases are good. "It's a time to buy a car."
"现在的车都太厉害了。"罗根对现代野马GT赞叹不已：5升Coyote V8引擎，460马力，高端溜背款起价不到四万美元。"今天花四万、四万五美元买到的动力——简直疯狂。"迪亚兹从内部见识过汽车行业的每个时代，他点头同意："感觉你现在造不出烂车了。"连租赁方案都很划算。"现在是买车的好时候。"
Comedy Craft on the Road
路上的喜剧手艺
Three hours is a conversation. The work that makes it funny happens in hotel rooms, alone, at midnight. Diaz has refined a road routine that strips away every distraction — and leaves only the writing.
三小时是对话。让对话变得好笑的工作，发生在酒店房间里，独自一人，在午夜。迪亚兹磨练出了一套巡演流程，剥去了一切干扰——只剩下写作。
The iPad Fortress
iPad 堡垒
Diaz travels with an iPad, a detachable keyboard, and exactly four apps. "No Twitter. No Facebook. No nothing. YouTube, Netflix, Hulu, and that writing app — that's it." It took him years to land on this setup. Before the iPad, he carried notebooks and scribbled fragments. Now he types, tags, and iterates — "six hours' worth ain't no Hemingway, just little adjustments from the night before." The austerity is the point.
迪亚兹出行只带一台iPad、一个可拆卸键盘，和恰好四个应用。"没有推特。没有脸书。什么都没有。YouTube、Netflix、Hulu，还有那个写作应用——就这些。"他花了好几年才找到这个配置。有iPad之前他带着笔记本乱涂乱画。现在他打字、加标签、反复修改——"六个小时的活，不是什么海明威，只是对昨晚内容的微调。"这种清简才是精髓。
Work Out Before You Work the Room
先练身体，再上舞台
"I always have better sets when I work out. You have to work out — always." Diaz describes a "weird fog" that settles in when you fly into a city and go straight to the show. His chest tightens. His timing drags. But if he hits an elliptical or finds a local kickboxing school, "everything starts moving." Rogan agrees: road time can be "beneficial or you could just use it" — and the workout is what decides which way it goes.
"练完身体再上台，我的段子永远更炸。必须练——永远如此。"迪亚兹描述了一种"奇怪的迷雾"：飞到一座城市直奔演出时，胸口发紧，节奏拖沓。但如果他能踩个椭圆机，或者找一家当地的踢拳馆练一练，"一切就开始运转了。"罗根也同意：路上的时间可以是"有益的，也可以就浪费掉"——锻炼决定了它往哪个方向走。
The Hotel Room as Sanctuary
酒店房间作为避风港
"Nobody f***s with you on a Friday night." That's the design principle. Diaz on the road wants no podcasts, no social media check-ins, no scrolling — just the writing app and the adjustments. "If you Facebook me on a Friday night and I'm on the road, you can suck my dick." The solitude isn't loneliness. It's the condition under which the material breathes.
"周五晚上没人烦你。"这就是设计原则。迪亚兹在路上不要播客、不刷社交媒体、不滑手机——只有写作应用和修改。孤独不是寂寞。那是让素材呼吸的条件。
Three Times Death Almost Came for a Kid
三次死神差点带走一个孩子
Boston, winter. Diaz is 13. He's standing at a bus stop on County Boulevard when a car pulls up and a man offers him a ride. "From the minute I got in, something wasn't right." The man was clumsy. He slipped. "He touched my leg." Diaz opened the door — "it was like God opened the f***ing door" — and ran until he was home, at the top of the stairs, barking like an animal. This is the third time a predator tried to take him. He was eight the first time. There wouldn't be a fourth.
波士顿，冬天。迪亚兹13岁，站在县大道上的公交站，一辆车停下来，一个男人提出送他一程。"从我上车的那一刻起，感觉就不对。"那人笨手笨脚。手滑了。"他摸了我的腿。"迪亚兹打开车门——"像是上帝亲手打开了那扇他妈的车门"——一路狂奔到家，站在楼梯顶上，像野兽一样喘着粗气。这是第三次有捕食者试图带走他。第一次时他才八岁。不会有第四次了。
The Librarian at Eight
八岁那年的图书管理员
San Francisco, age eight. Diaz is obsessed with monster books and monster movies — "I was really into monsters back then." A man approaches him in the library: "Do you like monster books? I have monster books in my car." Diaz, a trusting kid, says yes and starts walking. The librarian screams: "Joseph, you get away from him — he just got out of jail!" The man runs. Diaz runs to the librarian, crying. She hugged him. He never forgot her.
旧金山，八岁。迪亚兹痴迷怪物书和怪物电影——"那时我特别喜欢怪物。"一个男人在图书馆里接近他："你喜欢怪物书吗？我车里有怪物书。"当时迪亚兹是个信任陌生人的孩子，答应了，开始跟着走。图书管理员尖叫道："约瑟夫，离他远点——他刚出狱！"那人跑了。迪亚兹哭着扑向管理员。她拥抱了他。他从未忘记她。
The Bus Stop at Thirteen
十三岁的公交站
Boston, County Boulevard, age thirteen. The scheduled bus never shows. A man pulls up. Diaz gets in. "From the minute I got in, the energy wasn't right." The man talks about taking a girl back to his apartment, then makes his move — clumsy, almost casual. "He touched my leg — he slipped." Diaz opened the door and ran. The man kept calling after him: "Come back, I was just teasing you, I'll give you a ride." Diaz was already gone. "I always think about that — why didn't people report this stuff?"
波士顿，县大道，十三岁。该来的公交车没来。一个人开车停下。迪亚兹上了车。"从我上车的那一刻起，能量场就不对。"那人聊着带女孩回公寓的事，然后出手了——笨拙、近乎漫不经心。"他碰了我腿——手滑了。"迪亚兹打开车门就跑。那人在后面喊："回来，我只是逗你玩的，我送你一程。"迪亚兹早跑远了。"我老在想——为什么没人举报这种事？"
The Basketball Court at Eighteen
十八岁的篮球场
By eighteen, Diaz recognized the pattern. A man at a basketball court made an approach. The setup was familiar. The energy was wrong. This time, Diaz was old enough to see what was happening before it happened — and old enough to walk away without looking back. Three near-misses before adulthood. The question that haunts him isn't "why me?" It's "how many others didn't get away?"
到了十八岁，迪亚兹已经认得出这种模式。一个篮球场上的人靠近了他。套路是熟悉的。气场不对。这一次，迪亚兹的年龄足够大，能在事情发生前就看穿——也足够大，能转身离开，不回头看一眼。成年之前三次险些遇害。萦绕在他心头的问题不是"为什么是我？"而是"还有多少人没能跑掉？"
The Men Who Ran Hollywood (And the Ones Who Didn't Get Away)
掌控好莱坞的男人们（以及那些没跑掉的）
But the conversation didn't stay at the bus stop. There was a different kind of predator Diaz wanted to talk about — the kind with corner offices and legacy.
但对话没有停留在公交站。迪亚兹还想聊聊另一种捕食者——有转角办公室和遗产的那种。
Roger Ailes, in a Fat Suit
穿着增肥服的罗杰·艾尔斯
The movie Bombshell put John Lithgow in a fat suit to play Roger Ailes, the Fox News chairman forced out in 2016 after multiple women accused him of sexual harassment. Diaz and Rogan can't look away from the photos. "He would say: I want to see you naked. I want to see you in lingerie." A dirty old man who "harassed the f*** out of all the women that worked there." But they see something else in those photos: a man who probably "doesn't even know he doesn't have any game." The power was the game. The women were the scoreboard.
电影《性感炸弹》让约翰·利思戈穿上增肥服来扮演罗杰·艾尔斯——这位福克斯新闻董事长在2016年因多位女性指控性骚扰而被迫离开。迪亚兹和罗根盯着那些照片看个不停。"他会说：我要看你裸体。我要看你穿内衣。"一个肮脏的老男人，"骚扰了所有在那里工作的女性"。但他们在那些照片里看到了别的：一个可能"根本不知道自己毫无魅力"的男人。权力就是魅力。女性只是记分牌。
Harvey Weinstein: The Two Kinds of Monster
哈维·韦恩斯坦：两种怪物
Diaz draws a line between the transactions people knew about and the violence they didn't. "Both parties are in on it — the girl wants to go to him because he's going to offer her a role, and he wants her to come because she's hot and he wants his dick sucked." That's the arrangement Hollywood whispered about. What they didn't whisper about: "He holds a girl down. He takes off his robe when she expected it to be a real script. Those are very, very different things."
迪亚兹在人们心知肚明的交易与不为人知的暴力之间划出了一条线。"双方都明白——女的去找他，因为他会给她一个角色；他想要她来，因为她长得漂亮，他想被伺候。"这是好莱坞私底下谈论的潜规则。他们不谈论的是："他把一个女人按住。当那个女人以为是去谈正经剧本时，他脱掉了浴袍。这是非常、非常不同的两件事。"
Ricky Gervais Was Telling You
里奇·格维斯早就告诉过你了
Rogan brings up the footage: Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes, joking about Weinstein before the story broke, while a parade of the world's most famous actors took the same stage to thank him. "Ten minutes long — all these famous people thanking Harvey." Daniel Day-Lewis. Faye Dunaway. Everyone. The video, in retrospect, is a documentary about how power silences — not through threats, but through gratitude.
罗根翻出了那段视频：里奇·格维斯在金球奖上，在丑闻爆发之前就拿韦恩斯坦开涮，而与此同时，世界上最著名的演员们接二连三地站上同一个舞台去感谢他。"整整十分钟——所有这些名人都在感谢哈维。"丹尼尔·戴-刘易斯。费·唐娜薇。每个人。回过头来看，那段视频是一部关于权力如何让人闭嘴的纪录片——不是通过威胁，而是通过感激。
The Priest Shuffle
神父大挪移
Diaz, a product of Catholic schooling, went down a Google rabbit hole one night. He looked up his old grammar school — Sacred Heart School for Boys — and found nothing. Then he looked up a different church nearby. "Two hundred cases." The pattern was industrial: priest abuses in Jersey, gets moved to Minneapolis, then San Diego, then Louisiana, then "they ship you overseas to the Vatican." Rogan's summation lands like a punchline that isn't funny: "If 25% of dentists were pedophiles, we would all have rotten teeth."
迪亚兹是天主教学校出身，某天晚上钻进了谷歌的兔子洞。他搜索了自己的母校——圣心男子学校——什么也找不到。然后他搜索了附近另一所教堂。"两百起案件。"模式是工业化的：神父在泽西犯事，被调到明尼阿波利斯，然后是圣地亚哥，然后是路易斯安那，然后"把你调到海外的梵蒂冈去"。罗根的总结像一句不好笑的笑话："如果25%的牙医是恋童癖，那我们所有人都会满嘴蛀牙。"
The Television That Raised Us
陪伴我们长大的电视
Then the talk turns warmer — to the shows they grew up watching, the ones that shaped what they thought was funny and who got to be on screen.
然后话题转向温暖——聊起他们从小看的那些电视节目，那些塑造了他们对幽默的理解、决定了谁能在屏幕上出现的剧集。
Good Times (1974)
《好时光》（1974）
"Look at that f***ing show — 1974, first episode." Diaz is pulling up cast photos, and the memory rushes back. JJ Walker's "dyn-o-mite" became one of the most iconic catchphrases in television history — but Diaz notes the economics: "He won't say it unless you give me three grand." The show was part of a remarkable moment: even with relatively few TV channels, the 1970s produced a wave of major Black-led sitcoms that dominated the ratings.
"看看这剧——1974年，第一集。"迪亚兹翻出演员合照，记忆涌来。JJ·沃克的"Dyn-o-mite"成了电视史上最标志性的口头禅之一——但迪亚兹注意到了经济学："你不给他三千块，他是不会说的。"这部剧是一个非凡时刻的一部分：即使电视频道很少，1970年代还是涌现了一波重量级的黑人主演情景喜剧，霸占了收视率。
Sanford and Son
《桑福德和儿子》
"To this day, Sanford and Son is one of the best sitcoms of all time." Diaz still watches episodes — and still laughs. Redd Foxx's Fred Sanford, with his fake heart attacks and junkyard wisdom, created a template for the cranky patriarch that's been borrowed ever since. "There's some episodes I'll watch to this day and I'll still laugh." The show didn't age; the jokes were too sharp to spoil.
"直到今天，《桑福德和儿子》仍是有史以来最好的情景喜剧之一。"迪亚兹至今还会看几集——至今还会笑出声。雷德·福克斯扮演的弗雷德·桑福德，用他的假心脏病发作和废品站的智慧，创造了一个暴躁家长模板，被后来的人不断借用。"有几集我看到今天仍会笑。"这部剧没有过时，笑话太锋利，不会变质。
The Jeffersons and the 70s Wave
《杰弗逊一家》与七十年代浪潮
Rogan recites the list: Sanford and Son, Good Times, The Jeffersons. "During that era, even though there weren't that many TV shows, there was quite a sizable showing." It was an anomaly — a cluster of Black-led comedies at a time when network television had never been more white. Nobody planned it. It just worked.
罗根念出名单：《桑福德和儿子》《好时光》《杰弗逊一家》。"在那个时候，虽然电视节目不多，但出现的阵容挺庞大的。"这是一个反常现象——一群黑人主演的喜剧在电视网历史上最白的时候同时霸屏。没人规划过。它就是成了。
The Sweet Science and the Savages
甜蜜的科学与野兽们
The conversation always turns physical. Rogan and Diaz are fight fans to the bone, and the episode's closing hour is a masterclass in fight analysis — from Conor McGregor's genius under pressure to the animal fury of Roberto Duran.
对话总是会转向拳拳到肉。罗根和迪亚兹都是骨灰级的格斗迷，这一集的后半段堪称格斗分析的经典课程——从康纳·麦格雷戈在重压之下的天才表现，到罗伯托·杜兰的野兽般怒火。
Conor McGregor: Pressure-Proof
康纳·麦格雷戈：不受压力影响
"Conor McGregor handles pressure as well or better than anyone who's ever lived." Rogan runs through the evidence: the 13-second Aldo knockout at UFC 194 after a year of psychological warfare; landing uppercuts on Floyd Mayweather in a fight where Conor was "so outclassed"; destroying Eddie Alvarez at UFC 205 — a world-class fighter — "like he had no business in the cage with him." The common thread isn't athleticism. It's composure under the brightest lights.
"康纳·麦格雷戈在压力下的表现，不比任何活过的人差，甚至更好。"罗根逐一列举证据：UFC 194上经过一年心理战后13秒KO何塞·奥尔多；在对弗洛伊德·梅威瑟的比赛中——那是一场康纳被"完全碾压"的拳击赛——仍然用上勾拳击中对方；UFC 205上摧毁艾迪·阿尔瓦雷斯——一位世界级选手——"像是他不配跟康纳同笼竞技"。共同点不是运动能力，是在最亮的聚光灯下的镇定。
The 13 Seconds That Shocked the World
震惊世界的十三秒
Diaz walks through the mechanics: "Measures him with one left hand, steps back, dives in with the jab — BANG — catches him coming in. It's perfect." Jose Aldo was undefeated for a decade. Conor talked "so much s*** for a year — going on tour together, tearing pictures of him, stealing his belt" — then flattened him in thirteen seconds. "Perfect punch. Perfect execution." It remains the fastest finish in UFC title fight history.
迪亚兹拆解技术细节："用左手量了距离，后退一步，刺拳突进——砰——正好抓到他往前冲的瞬间。完美。"何塞·奥尔多保持了十年的不败战绩。康纳"说了一整年的垃圾话——一起巡演、撕他的照片、偷他的腰带"——然后用十三秒把他放平。"完美的出拳。完美的执行。"这至今仍是UFC冠军战中速度最快的终结。
The Khabib Ceiling
哈比布的上限
Diaz is clear-eyed about the gap. "He's not the kind of grappler that Nurmagomedov is. He's not in that category." Conor fought Khabib at UFC 229 — "the guy everyone's terrified of" — and at least made it into the cage and into the fourth round before tapping to a neck crank. That, in Diaz's view, counts for something. But the grappling chasm between them was real, and Diaz doesn't pretend otherwise.
迪亚兹对差距看得很清楚。"他不是努尔马戈梅多夫那种级别的摔柔手。他俩不是一个档次的。"康纳在UFC 229对阵哈比布——"那个所有人都害怕的家伙"——至少能走进笼子，扛到第四回合才被绞技降服。在迪亚兹看来，这本身就说明点什么。但他们之间摔柔能力的天壤之别是真实的，迪亚兹不会假装视而不见。
Duran vs. Leonard: The Animal and the Darling
杜兰 vs. 伦纳德：野兽与宠儿
Rogan pulls up the first Duran-Leonard fight — Montreal, June 20, 1980. "Leonard was America's darling — Olympic gold medalist, handsome, sweetheart of a guy. And Roberto Duran was a straight-up savage." By boxing legend, Duran bumped into Leonard with his family before the bout and told him to get out of his face. Leonard, ego wounded, decided to fight Duran's fight — in close, in the clinch, trading chaos — and lost a fifteen-round war. After the bell, Duran was still pushing him away, "still screaming at him after a war."
罗根调出了第一场杜兰vs伦纳德的比赛——蒙特利尔，1980年6月20日。"伦纳德是美国的宠儿——奥运金牌得主、英俊、人见人爱。而罗伯托·杜兰就是一个纯粹的野兽。"按照拳击界的传说，杜兰在赛前撞见了带家人的伦纳德，叫他滚开。伦纳德自尊心受伤，决定跟杜兰打近身战——在搂抱中，在混战中——结果输掉了一场15回合的鏖战。铃响后，杜兰仍在推开他，"打完了一场血战还在冲他吼"。
Gerald McClellan and the Scale
杰拉德·麦克莱伦与体重秤
Gerald McClellan, a two-time middleweight champion with devastating power — 29 of 31 wins by knockout — fought WBC super middleweight champion Nigel Benn on February 25, 1995. After a brutal war, McClellan was counted out in the tenth round while down on one knee. Moments later, he collapsed. A blood clot had formed on his brain. Emergency surgery saved his life, but he was left blind, partially deaf, and with severe short-term memory loss. He survived. He lives with full-time care. Diaz and Rogan discuss whether drastic weight cutting contributed — a debate that continues in boxing medicine to this day.
杰拉德·麦克莱伦，两届中量级拳王，拥有毁灭性的重拳——31胜中有29胜是KO——于1995年2月25日对阵WBC超中量级拳王奈杰尔·本。一场惨烈血战之后，麦克莱伦在第十回合单膝跪地被读秒判负。片刻后，他昏倒了。他的脑部形成了一个血块。紧急手术救了他的命，但他失明了，部分失聪，并患有严重的短期记忆丧失。他活了下来，需要全天看护。迪亚兹和罗根讨论极端脱水减重是否是元凶——这一争论在拳击医学界至今没有定论。
The Long Arc
漫长的弧线
You don't get to be Joey Diaz without surviving Joey Diaz. The last fifteen minutes of the episode drift into the personal — the anxiety that still hits at 7:30 PM, the blunt that quiets it, the friendship that made it all bearable.
不熬过乔伊·迪亚兹，你成不了乔伊·迪亚兹。这一集最后十五分钟滑进了私人领域——每晚七点半仍然袭来的焦虑，平息它的那支大雪茄，以及让这一切变得可以忍受的友谊。
7:30 PM, Every Night
每晚七点半
"I get anxiety about 20 to 8:00 every night." Diaz says it matter-of-factly, like reporting the weather. For years, that was cocaine-scoring time — the hour when the day's obligations ended and the night's addiction began. "To this day, that's the PTSD. At 7:30 I start getting anxious, getting itchy." He tried jiu-jitsu to fill the hour. He tried different schedules. The body keeps score in ways the mind can't override.
"每晚八点差二十分，我就开始焦虑。"迪亚兹说得若无其事，像在报天气。很多年来，那个时间段是买毒品的窗口——白天的事务结束，夜晚的瘾开始。"到今天，这就是创伤后应激。七点半一到，我就开始焦虑，浑身发痒。"他试过用柔术填补这段时间。试过改变作息。身体用头脑无法掌控的方式记录着一切。
The Blunt That Lights Up Like Pulp Fiction
像《低俗小说》一样发光的烟盒
"Strawberry Cough" is the strain he found the other day. The blunt box — "you gotta open that thing up, it lights up like the suitcase in Pulp Fiction" — is part ritual, part medicine. Diaz isn't romantic about it. He's practical. Weed replaced something that was killing him, and the box that glows when you open it is just a nice touch.
"草莓咳"是他前几天弄到的新品种。装雪茄的盒子——"你得打开它看看，一开就发光，跟《低俗小说》里的手提箱一样"——既是仪式也是药物。迪亚兹对此不浪漫化。他很务实。大麻取代了曾经要杀死他的东西，而开盖发光的盒子只是锦上添花。
From Kidnapper to Beloved
从绑架犯到人人爱戴
"He ended up kidnapping a guy." Diaz drops this about his past with the same cadence he uses for Subaru specs. He was a burglar. He did time. He kicked cocaine. He became a comedian. The arc isn't redemption — Diaz would hate that word. It's endurance. The kid who almost got taken three times, the man who almost took himself out, wound up in a chair across from Joe Rogan making millions of people laugh. That's not a lesson. It's a fact.
"他后来还绑架过一个人。"迪亚兹抛出这段往事时的语气，跟他谈论斯巴鲁参数时一模一样。他当过入室贼。坐过牢。戒了毒。成了喜剧演员。这种弧线不是救赎——迪亚兹肯定讨厌这个词。是耐力。那个三次差点被人带走的孩子，那个差点把自己毁掉的男人，最后坐到了乔·罗根对面，让几百万人笑得前仰后合。这不是什么教训。这是事实。
Joey Diaz didn't clean up his act. He just stopped lying about what was in it — and found out that the truth, told right, was funnier than anything he'd ever made up.
乔伊·迪亚兹没有重新包装自己。他只是不再对里面的东西撒谎了——然后发现，真相如果讲得好，比他编造过的任何笑话都更好笑。